Saturday, July 4, 2009

Anything more frightening?

It's hard to imagine a worse reality. She had contracted some sort of encephalitis. Absolutely regular 23 year old, living life fully, when suddenly she became ill with headache, sleepiness and fevers. By the time she was admitted to the hospital, most of her organs were failing. Her kidneys shut down, requiring dialysis and her liver began to fail.

Much more troubling than these major organ problems however, was the damage occurring in her brain. After the onslaught to her body was over, she was blind and hearing impaired. Even the typical sensations of touch seemed to be misinterpreted now by her brain.

She was in the hospital for months. Nothing improved.

Can you imagine what reality was to her? I try, and it's horrifying; To not be able to communicate with anyone... to be in constant darkness and if sound does filter in, the brain can't understand what the sound means!

It was in this condition that I met her. Sitting in her room at the hospice house, she'd all of sudden cry out, "Is anyone there? Can you hear me? Help me, please! I'm here, I'm here..." But none of my words or even touch seemed to register.  She was in complete isolation. I wasn't surprised then when the crying out turned to, "If no one's out there, I wish I could just have a gun,  and let this be over"

I had no gun. But mercifully the family had, after months of this crying out, opted not to continue dialysis or treat new infections. It was only a matter of time then before her wish to no longer be living in such a frightening reality would be over.

For the record: If I am ever blind and deaf and trapped in my brain, please don't try to keep me alive