It's funny how fast or quick my interpretations of events can change.  Example:  I woke up this morning and thought to myself "I think my patient who is pregnant will deliver today"  And then in half prayer half thought i wondered -what time will she come in?  10:11 came to mind.  I smiled to myself as if playing a little game. I also had a weird sense that this would be true- enough that i actually put scrubs in my bag on my way to work.   So there i sat in rounds, talking about all the patients we are taking care of.  Suddenly another resident came and whispered "your OB patient is upstairs" I looked at my watch -  Truthfully it was 10:11 exactly.   Feeling lighter than air i went to see my patient, knowing this was from God and a good sign of smooth sailing.  

Now, here i sit, actually in the hospital.  It is 9 pm and it's been a LONG day - still no baby.  What happened to my faith - so self assured this morning, thinking this would be such an easy day?  Was I wrong? Was it a trick? OR is this all still part of the plan?  Was that neat little coincidence just that?  funny how things change-  or more that we attribute goodness to God's plan and negative things to not him- - WHY?  why can't THIS all be OKAY, even when I am tired and just want to go home.  We'll see... and see what she does do AND when the baby will come!!!

I see odd things everyday.

He was an elderly man sitting in his clinic gown with his legs crossed -shoes and socks still on.  What was striking however, was the shimmery pink nail polish in patches on his face. "What doctor referred you to our dermatology clinic?" I asked.  "Aww, no one. I came on my own"  (always a bad sign - if no other doctor is worried about what ever his complaint would be).  "Well then, what's your concern?" He then enters into his story :

"There are these things, maybe like bugs, inside me that lay eggs.  Then in 24 to 36 hours they hatch and come out and crawl all over my face"  I am trying to keep a straight face as I ask, "How many of these things are we talking about?"  "Millions"  "Wow, and what do they look like?"  He scrunches his head to decide how to tell me, hesitates then says "You can't really see them with the naked eye, only with a magnifying glass or microscope"  I am now envisioning this old man in an overstuffed arm chair in his home peering at his arm with a magnifying glass. He continues "I guess they are kind of clear with a brown head" He actually starts drawing something on paper that looks like a cigarette.  "like this, I try to catch em as they burrow into my knuckles" He starts picking at his knuckles as he complains, "the worst tho is I can't sleep, I can feel them crawling all over my face all night."   The poor man had changed all of his sheets and clothes over and over again. He'd fumigated his house. These creatures didn't itch or actually bite him, just crawled and burrowed. "And the nail polish?" I quipped staring at his face which looked like a 3 year old had played make-up with him. "Oh that's too keep them inside, keep them from coming out and crawling. A friend told me it'd help."  

He actually had something dermatologists see often. It's called delusions of parasitosis. As is typical the "bugs" started crawling around 2 weeks after his wife died.  It's often connected to depression.  Interesting way for depression to manifest itself huh? I get spooked just when a hair brushes over me and I think it's a bug- I'll swat my arm or leg and scream.  Can you imagine literally feeling the sensation of hundreds of bugs moving all over your face and arms.  And more alarming, not being able to see them?  I guess I might try putting pink shiny nail polish on me face too : )

From Chambers "At critical moments it is necessary to ask guidance, but it ought to be unnecessary to be saying always - " O God, direct me here, and there."  Of course He will! If our common-sense decisions are not His order, He will press through them and check"  

To me this says - RELAX.  It's silly to go around each day worrying about the decisions we make, and boy do I make a lot of decisions, serious decisions every day.  My common sense/ gut reactions by this time in life should be in tune with what's on the inside.  If not, and I start going in a direction I shouldn't, I'll know.  One way or another GOD will let me know.

Tomorrow is change. New tasks, more hours, less sleep.  Oh well, I'll make it.